Friday, December 31, 2010

Investigation into Mr. Lizard's fate is ongoing

 When I first saw my lizard that changed colors, summer before last, I looked up lizard identification on the web, to figure out what exactly he was.



The conclusion I came to was a green anole, and one of the interesting facts I read was that their main danger was from feline assassins......but I felt secure in the knowledge that Ms. Halle B is an inside cat, and Mr. Lizard was an outside lizard......

Well upon further inspection of the corner where I found Mr. Lizard's nonlizardliving self, there appears to be blood on the rug, and also on the baseboard.   I haven't forensically tested it to determine if that is what it is, but it sure looks like it (please keep quiet about my lack of housekeeping skills, it is something that I've never been able to master)......

So if it is Mr. Lizard's blood, then probably the only logical answer to his demise is that Ms. Halle B decided to take him out.   Again, I must say that I am glad that she did not show me her trophy, that might have produced screams that would not have pleased the neighbors at all.......


It is true that for some reason, Ms. Halle B has a fondness for green things, toys, insects, dare I say it, Lizards, and I have previously posted about her green obsession http://bontempsontheriver.blogspot.com/2009/08/this-is-locust-or-as-known-to-halle-b.html

Still it is hard to believe that this laid back vision of cattiness, could be the culprit and she of course, vehemently denies any involvement with the demise of Mr. Lizard....


So the sadness continues, and even Clarence, the Christmas Cactus did not bloom this year, as a tribute to the loss of his little green friend.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Not everything this season has been a happy finding.......

I moved a lamp in the living room the other evening. I have moved it an inch or two from its previous spot several times, or at least I thought I had.....

Anyway, this time when I moved it I noticed an odd black thing on the rug, and thought that resembles the shape of a lizard.....oh how funny, but it can't be, and if it is why would it be black, and did someone leave a rubber lizard in the living room that I've never noticed.....

all the while the realization of what this really was dawning on me.........hoping to find when I moved
the black thing, that it was just an oddly shaped piece of paper, or a rubber lizard, or a stain, or
anything but what it was.....

a no longer living lizard......and from the looks of it, he hadn't been with us for quite a while.....

As near as I can tell it is my lizard from the previous summer (09 not 10)......the green anole, which as children we called a chameleon.

I had wondered when I didn't see him this past summer, as he was a regular visitor to the patio in 09......I thought maybe the skinks had run him off.....

I can guess that he came into the apartment at some point when I had the sliding door open, as the screen has a gap in it along the back edge when the sliding door is open, and that the opportunity to make his way back out didn't present itself to him in the right time for him to escape....

why I never saw the cat after him, or why she didn't drag his little nonliving lizard self around the apartment, I don't know.....

With a heavy heart I took him outside, buried him, and said the words that I've heard so many times...... his heart has known love, and although he is no longer with us, he is now wherever we are.......

Happy Trails little buddy.......
A friend recently mentioned that she and her daughter had been discussing what Christmas would be like as the grandkids would not be visiting this year, and therefore feeling something like it wouldn't really be Christmas without children.

The daughter asked what do I do, and the mom thought it a good enough question to ask me......as there are no two legged children around, and haven't been for the bulk of my life.......the answer is....I celebrate with who or what constitutes my family at the time.....this year it is Halle, the black cat; the outside birds, and my good friend and all things horses mentor, M......

Ms. Halle is like most children, whether 2 legged or furry legged....she wants to know ahead of time what her presents are, and spares no effort trying to figure it all out......







I have learned or maybe always have known, how to find joy in the simple things.....fellow apartment dwellers who decorate outside, so that other residents and visitors can enjoy lights in the winter darkness......


The music of the season, candlelit churches, church services in which I am able to be part of the music offered to those present, members, visitors, and this year thanks to the magic of 'live feed' those far away, or house bound.

For many, there may not be the presence of family, or 'the right family' at times of celebration such as this....but that doesn't stop the celebrating, the appreciation of the love that is
the true meaning of the season after all.....

where there is life, there is love, even if it is not
in the form that one expects......

it is there, one just needs to pause and let its 'presents' come in from the cold......


Life at its current pace gives me time to experience and savor life's synchronicities...last summer I took a stack of books that a friend was not able to sell in a yard sale, with the intention of reading them. Of the 10 or so books, I picked up Tom Brown, Jr's The Quest.

My life the past 3 years has been in some ways so different from my life previously, and I find myself struggling with 'why', and 'what is my purpose', and trying to push myself back into a more 'acceptable' lifestyle. In the pages of this book I have found some answers, and so I wanted to know where Tom Brown Jr was at this point in his life, as the book was published in 1991. Thank goodness, he has a website, and is still teaching about nature, the earth, and vision. His web address is: http://www.trackerschool.com/

Friday, December 17, 2010

Today's mystery....this is a picture of ? It is not a current picture, so perhaps that will help....





It is a picture of Christmas Past.....1984 to be exact, and the beautiful chaos on the table is my dissertation, back in the days before computers, and printers made things quick and easy.
I put myself on a quota to finally get the thing finished and be able to graduate that May.....my program was essentially being done away with, so finishing seemed a good thing. It was my
second doctoral program in a second University, so again, finishing seemed like a good thing.

So I gave myself the quota, write for 2 hours and then stop for a candy corn break, then write for another two........

It's an odd thing getting a doctorate, like many things in life, I had plans, such plans for how my life would be with it. For the doors it would open, the jobs
and professional respect that I would have.......

And as often happens, reality was nothing like my vision.......my job pretty much stayed the same, I was treated with pretty much the same respect that I had been getting, some people did call me doctor, some people called me doc, and some people said, oh I didn't know that you had that degree......

Family and friends gathered for the ceremony, my family and friends who lived 1000 miles from me, one set to the east, and one to the west.....but the best part of the weekend was spent as many in my life have been, at the barn,Fwith my Saddlebred, Little Rex, son of So Much a Lady, and "Big Rex". I had had him from babyhood, done all the training and breaking
to ride myself.

I was able to show him off to my college roomie, and horse friend extraordinare, who also climbed up and rode him......A special day indeed....

Interesting how of the two accomplishments, the one involving Little Rex, which was way more complicated than just taking a horse from birth to adulthood, and having no human contact to being a trustworthy riding companion, vs. completing a graduate degree that took years, and many stops and starts, and U-Turns......


My success with Little Rex is the one that gives the greatest joy, and sense of pride in the accomplishment.......

What in your life brings the greatest satisfaction, the greatest joy?



Sunday, November 28, 2010




Memories of Thanksgivings past, somehow mine include very few of large family gatherings around the dinner table, and a number of rather unique experiences.....including 'riding my pony through the draw, in those Oklahoma Hills where I was born' (Woody Guthrie lyrics)........as well as being part of a bucket brigade, and learning how to fight grass fires with a wet blanket......Oklahoma in November is grass fire country, and in the country everyone turns out to help in whatever way they can......There was the year that I spent Thanksgiving in a small town in western OK with my fiancée and his parents. We were in our truck and had our dog, a heeler/Aussie cross, and the best dog ever, with us. We were frequently different places without a fenced yard and so Alex learned to stay on the truck or car, when he wasn't in the house. He was used to going everywhere with me, so my young future brother-in-law took him and fiancée along to go feed his hogs at the FFA farm. They got back after dark an hour or so later, and I said, "Where's Alex (my dog)".......at which point a panicked look came over their faces.....they'd forgotten they'd taken Alex with them, and had left him at the farm. We had no idea if Alex would have tried to follow the truck back, would have stayed there or what to think. They both ran out, jumped in the truck and were gone about another 30 minutes....some of the longest in my life......but thankfully came back with Alex safe and sound......

There was the year that I was lunging my young horse, and didn't happen to have a lunge whip (translation encouragement to stay going around me in a circle on a long 'rein'), so was using a long slender branch that I found nearby. Maggie didn't like the encouragement that came from me waving the branch in her direction, so she kicked at it......and managed to break it.....undaunted, unimpressed, and not too smart, I continued......so she kicked again, and got me smack on the hand this time......breaking a finger or two.......I wasn't sure how much of my right (yes, that is the writing hand for me) hand was broken, so I spent a good part of the day after Thanksgiving in the Emergency Room.....


There was the year when we were supposed to take mashed potatoes to the family dinner, after working all day......our miniature donkey, Don Keyhotey, was turned out in a rather large lot. I volunteered to catch him, while the spouse volunteered to fix the taters.....

It was very cold and blustery that late afternoon, and for over an hour I chased, cajoled, and cursed little Don, trying to catch him. Things only got worse when the spouse came out laughing at my lack of success ........with just a touch of relief mingled with extreme furiousity.......I said, "I'll trade you, you catch him, and I'll do the potatoes"......

Another hour later, really neither of us was laughing.......and we still had no potatoes.....so thus started our new tradition of taking (gasp, many gasps from my readers some of whom read blogs about cooking, some of whom blog about cooking, and probably not many of whom have had a mini donkey named Don Keyhotey)......we broke down and made 'instant' mashed potatoes....


There are also the many years that I made the entire dinner myself, to serve to whomever I knew needed a place to go for dinner.......May your holidays be filled with laughter, and just the right amount of friends and family whether human, fur coated, or feathered.

Thursday, November 25, 2010




I am thankful for my faithful grape tomato plant who is living proof of the wisdom of 'bloom where you're planted'.....as well as the lyric, "I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down"......


So many lessons in this one little (well not so little) plant.....first, although when I buy tomatoes anymore I almost always buy grape tomatoes....I didn't intend to have a grape tomato plant.....just didn't read the little label correctly.......then it, like most of my plants, was viciously attacked by spider mites this summer.....too much heat, too little water.......then I (again misreading a label...hum, I see a pattern here).....grabbed my 'organic spider mite spray' to spray the plants outside.....and kept thinking as I sprayed.....'it smells like someone is doing laundry in a nearby apartment, but that's odd as we don't have washers in our little cubicles......kept spraying, went inside put the spray down to read later about when I could spray again.....picked up the bottle, and (large sigh) it was "stain remover spray for the laundry", not organic mite spray.......

Finally my little plant was the only one of 4 tomato plants to give me any tomatoes this summer, and I proudly harvested about 10 grape tomatoes.....then thinking the season was done, but always reluctant to kill any plant that has any hope of living, I cut it back, almost to the dirt level......

One day I noticed it growing, then it continued, then it bloomed and I thought.....well, the little flowers are pretty, and if that's all I have, little yellow fall flowers, they provide some beauty to the patio......

But no, I underestimated my little friend.....soon I had tiny (they are grape tomatoes after all) green tomatoes.....so of course the next crisis is the first hard freeze......which brought another lesson of gratitude.....gratitude for my simple apartment with a sliding glass door, and my potted tomato........so inside it came.....we got into a little routine, freeze coming? (I'm thinking this plant needs a name.....I'm thinking his name is Fred).....so in the apartment comes Fred, warmer days ahead.....out for some sun he went......


So far I've had two fall 'harvests' from Fred....one of about 15 little tomatoes, which I ate after being inspired by Prince Charles, and before I took their photo.......


The latest, seen above.......and there were at last count over 100 little green, and turning red tomatoes being lovingly cared for by Fred......

Additionally, Fred provides joy for those who walk by and see him, conversation starters for me, and opportunities for compliments for us both.....One of the people who works for the apartments said to me the other day, your little tomato plant is so pretty......

So in these season of Light and Thanksgiving......Bloom where you're planted.......be grateful for the bounty that Nature, God, and Fred provide......

and if you get knocked down.....

come back stronger, and more productive than ever......

Tuesday, November 23, 2010





This is Thanksgiving week, and again I am reminded how precious life is, how fleeting can be the time that we have to spend with those we love, and the heartbreak that some of the most wonderful people in the world have in their lives.....

Those who have given so much of themselves to help others, yet seem to experience the greatest pain and loss in their lives.....

a young friend, a special education teacher, who was from the time I met her straight out of college taking on a task that no one else wanted, long term subbing in a room for students with serious emotional problems, was going above and beyond to help educate some of the most difficult students....and who lost her husband suddenly on Thanksgiving after only a few years of marriage, leaving two young boys, then 4 years later her brother, then her mother, and now almost exactly 11 years later, the same week, her sister. This from a tight knit, boisterous loving Irish family.....

the moms and dads I know who are struggling with little ones with life threatening illnesses, or who are spending their first holidays with loss....the families who've lost children to violence......the families who've suddenly lost someone due to mental illness or substance abuse.......

the memory that 3 years ago this week, I started going out with search teams looking for a young girl that I knew well, sitting with her family in the times between going out on searches, going out on a blustery, cold, cold Thanksgiving Day with 4 other hardy souls, still looking, including a dad who had lost his own precious daughter at 16 to an as yet 'unsolved' murder......

In this time of Thanksgiving, take time to hold close those that you love, and to send thoughts of comfort to those for whom there is now but yet another empty chair at the table.......

Thursday, November 18, 2010



Thought for the day..........paraphrased......why can't we all just get along......or "I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony".........

It seems that doing this will take some coming together in conversation, and being willing to learn about things from another's perspective with an open heart and an open mind......

Another observation is that it really does help in discussions, if one does not use "you messages"......such as ......You are judging me, you are selfish, a louse, trying to pick a fight, or one of many expletives that I'm hearing lately........

I have learned, maybe the hard way, that use of "I" messages when the other person is not using the same rules of engagement, seems to be proof to the other party that the person using the "I" messages is selfish, self-centered, narcissistic........so agreeing on 'rules of discussion' ahead of time seems wise.

But it just seems to me, that the level of anger is rising, like a flood, as well perhaps as the feeling that some people are always right, and anyone who disagrees is always wrong.......and it seems so sad......

so again, in the words of Rodney King, "Can't we all just get along"......

So the people in the apartment next door have a Golden Retriever puppy, about 10 weeks old, who is just adorable....and very obedient outside......but they insist on taking him out not on a leash. We live on the corner of two 4 lane streets, and having been the foster mom and trainer of several Goldens and many other dogs, at some point he will want to explore and will be able to run faster than they can, and being off leash, he will learn that they can do nothing to stop him if he runs......them chasing him will be a game......

In addition to that they are having increasing numbers of escalating fights with the sound of the door slamming to the point that it shakes the whole building, and what sounds like furniture being thrown against the wall. I don't know for sure about this puppy, but he seems a typical Golden in terms of being attuned to his people......The Goldens that I have had, thought it a fate worse than death if I even slightly raised my voice in their vicinity.......

Then there's the thought of how he will survive in 600 square feet of apartment with no yard.......plus the fact that if you have a pet over 25 pounds, it's a lease violation.......

I simply do not understand people.... why be in a relationship this dysfunctional? In the case of these two it is not a financial necessity that they stay together, nor do they have children with each other, in fact one of them has children not yet grown, living in another state.......

Why get a dog and then not think about the consequences of letting him run lose (again another lease violation), of trying to raise him in a rather small apartment, of raising him in such a house of pain.......

And it seems that the fights have escalated since the adding of the puppy, a stressful event in a home with a yard........these are two people from 'good' families, raised with advantages, and college educations.......what a mystery behind the choices they have made......

Sunday, November 14, 2010























These are pictures of Ms. Halle B Berry, the black cat, who shares my home.......she is an example of serendipity, or as the late Rev. Susanne Meyer might have said, a moment of Grace.

Either describes, in my understanding, things that happen which are sometimes coincidental (also now referred to as moments of synchronicity), or things that happen that seem to have more meaning than can be seen at first glance.

Ms. Halle B was a kitten standing in the street a block from a busy four lane street. A friend who doesn't 'do' cats picked her up out of the street. I took her to hold her and said, she must belong to someone she has a collar. My friend replied, 'it's not a real collar'.....sure enough it was a child's bracelet that said "Jesus Saves".

I remembered at that point that I had been attending a drum circle at a church about a block from where the kitten was, and that one of the women there had said that a kitten had been dropped off on their doorstep. I wasn't sure if it was the same kitten, or if there was any connection, but I said to my friend, she belongs to someone, and put her back down. She promptly walked into the street again, it was dusk, she is black, and it wasn't good for her to be out, or in the street. So my friend picked her back up, and I took her knowing that she wasn't set up for kitten sitting....and I waited to see if anyone posted a sign about a lost kitten, checked with the vets etc, and no one seemed to be looking for her.

One of my vets lived near where we found her, and said that he'd seen her out running around also, and thought she was lost. I said but she had a collar, and he said "it wasn't a real collar"......the thing was certainly not a cat collar that would release if she had gotten it caught on something, so it was pretty dangerous with her out unsupervised with it on......but it was dangerous as young as she was with her out unsupervised at all. When I brought her into the house, it was clear that she was not as the ads say, "litter box trained".....but learned that skill quickly, and has never deviated from her training.

So now, 5 years later, she still resides here. She is the only cat I've had in the past 35 years that I did not get as an adult adopted from a shelter.....and she is certainly the strangest cat I've had maybe ever. She absolutely is very routine bound, and places a very high importance on certain things that she gets to eat. Her food of course, but also her snack of whatever greens go in my breakfast omelet (canned turnip, or collard, etc greens), and also her 'hairball medicine' which is one of her favorite things ever. She has a definite opinion about what time these things 'should' happen, and frankly daylight savings time and the change back from it just ruin her schedule.

She has many toys, but seems to prefer green things. She has a green toy with the ball in the track, which she loves to bat while lying on her back and looking at it sideways.....she is a talker, and will carry on a reciprocal conversation.....loves to watch the birds, and anything that moves on the patio She absolutely has hated and tried to kill any other cat that has stayed with us for any period of time.

She used to be quite a pest in the morning and would decide it was time for me to get up and would bite my feet. Now she simply curls up beside me and purrs me awake......I've never had another cat do anything like this, and it is quite endearing.....once up though she meows incessantly until there is food in her dish. She is only fed twice a day, because she has had a weight problem (at one point weighed 21.5 pounds, now is down to a svelte 12.5).....I knew the 21.5 was totally unhealthy, just couldn't get the weight off until we did a version of the South Beach Diet.....about a tablespoon full of canned cat food per meal, we started out with 3 x a day, and now she gets that once a day, and about 1/3 C dry food once a day.....

She absolutely loves cardboard boxes, even when she doesn't quite 'fit', she also loves music and will walk on the keyboard to play it, if it's turned on, and will sit beside me, or in my lap when I sing......she also will cuddle when I'm ill or sad, and in many ways reminds me almost more of a dog than of a cat......

In this month of Thanksgiving, there are many things for which I'm grateful, but of these three faith, hope and love abide, and the greatest of these is love.......and Ms. Halle B gives that without question, and without judgment.....

Saturday, November 13, 2010





There's nothing that has struck me so hard, since my retirement, as the realization today that the local school district seems destined to sink further into desolation, and that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it......the leadership to me seems so obviously flawed, dishonest, and to have agendas that even 30 years of working in education do not make obvious sense to me........

then there is the community which either doesn't want to get involved, or for some reason thinks that the leadership is without flaw, without room for improvement, above criticism, and debate......

my sense is one more time of feeling like I've been plunged into an episode of "the Emperor's New Clothes", part 4,000,000.......

my heart breaks for the students, teachers, parents, building level staff and administrators, who try every day, against tremendous odds, to survive in what seems to be an irreparably broken system......

As a person who, as I've mentioned, worked for years to try to improve education for the individual, for families, for teachers, for buildings, for the 2 districts, and one co-op for which I worked......it is amazing to me that this one district can remain so out of the loop in terms of what kinds of things can actually help, and improve things for students, patrons and staff......

It is frightening when looking at the consequences of a failed school system for again not only the students, and families but the community as a whole, as the crime statistics go up, more children of color are killed or jailed, and the white flight to the suburbs continues.

So today, I have officially tendered my resignation from the public school world, am thinking that school choice, vouchers, a complete fruitbasket upset kind of reform is needed......and that I must turn my energies and focus a different direction........today I feel sad, not only that there seems to be little hope for those involved with the local school district (no wonder so many people are homeschooling....an idea which until recently seemed like such a bad choice).....but also sad at the thought that so many years of passion, of study, of learning and perfecting the skills needed to be an agent of change for the good, are simply obsolete, and of no value.....

It also perhaps makes some sense why some of my close friendships are no more......this is a time when the world according to me needs to exist outside of any desire to hear about, give input to, or agonize over public education........I realize that many people who retire face the same feelings of being unneeded or having their skills unwanted......but to have to give up on the hope for a better or even equal to the past, public education experience for so many, is again heartbreaking in its vastness.....One of my favorite slogans for the National Conference for my professional organization, from years ago was "School Psychology, a Revolutionary Force in Education"......

Today I'm officially raising the white flag........

Thursday, November 4, 2010



Life lesson # 4 billion and 63......a good orator does not necessarily a good leader make (quoting Yoda)..........in 2004 I heard a young man speak on a national stage, and decided at that moment whenever he ran for president, I was voting for him. I felt that he would be the leader that our country needed.....

during the campaign, I didn't waiver, although I was uncomfortable when I heard people say, 'sure, he can give a good speech, but can he lead'......

Leading, particularly bringing together diverse and sometimes divisive groups and individuals for the purpose of a better outcome for an individual or group, is something that I feel I have some knowledge of after working for public schools for 30 yeas, in a position where I tried to do just that......

I also realized as I sat down to write this post, that one of the people I consider to be one of the better presidents that we've had (not an opinion shared by many I think), Gerald Ford, was not a good speaker, and certainly not charismatic.

It does seem to me that it can be easier to get people to buy into one's agendas if one is a good speaker, and also (unfortunately) charismatic (unfortunate when we consider some events in world history), but it isn't a prerequisite to good leadership.

I am also glad as I reflect today that I was raised in a home where, although there were clear party affiliations, it was about 'the principle of the thing' and not the party......and

that my first job, held for a long time, was for a weekly newspaper, in small town America, where political ideas were strongly held, and frequently discussed, and rarely agreed upon, and all this during the Vietnam era.

All this I'm reflecting on, this Thursday (publication day) after the mid-term election, when the headlines are screaming 'who will it be in 2012'.....and I am reminded that 4 years before the election, not 2, I had made up my mind in the previous presidential contest.....

Leading our nation will be even more difficult then, than now.......my prayer is for a leader worthy of this great nation, and a nation with eyes to see, and ears to hear, and the commitment to work together to move forward.......and for me to have the wisdom to recognize this person, whether or not they happen to be able to give a 'good speech'......

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The kindness of strangers, subtitled: People who need people.....

I have seen some wonderful acts of compassion in my travels along the various paths.......

in this case, this person appeared quite suddenly out of the brush behind some quite nice houses in the city. He didn't come from an 'obvious' path to the house (some have them), so I was thinking hmmmm, I don't know that he belongs in one of the houses, and what is he up to.....I was pretty uncomfortable following him; hoping that he didn't stop and turn toward me, as the path was pretty isolated.

Not long into the journey, a young man came up from behind me, walking. I kept stopping, and doing quite a bit to indicate that I wasn't really comfortable with my friend ahead. Eventually the young man passed me and my 'friend', but as he got just past, he turned and walked backwards, keeping us both in view until I took the 'exit ramp'.

A few days before that, what appeared to be a grandmother, grandfather and couple of grandkids passed me on bicycles. They crossed a major street, and the woman stopped to make sure that the kids got safely across the street. The kids then passed her, and they and the man went on quite a ways ahead of her. She got back on her bike, but almost immediately fell, and did not quickly get up. I was about to run up to where she was to see if she needed help, but the people with her came back. What I saw next was even more endearing. As I turned to head back down the path, a construction crew was on my side of the 4 lane street, seemingly on a break, and one of the young men, who appeared (yes, I do label) Hispanic, had also started walking toward the woman as if to offer aid, and stopped when he saw the others approach, but continued watching until it appeared that she was OK.

The third example is one from a couple of years ago. I was on another path in an isolated area and there was a man who appeared as if he might be homeless (had a bicycle and a bag) and somewhat older, who was half sitting, half lying on a concrete structure about 18 inches high. His legs were on the ground, and he was lying on his back, as if he'd started in a sitting position and then had fallen or laid back. I was concerned and trying to decide whether to ask him if he was OK, or what to do, when a young man come toward me on a skateboard. He was rather preppy looking for a skate boarder, so that caught my attention to start. He passed me and the man lying down, but then stopped, and came back, carrying his board. He walked up to the man and asked him if he was OK. This was before I had my camera, and one of those times that I wished I'd had one, to capture this beautiful example of humanity, with these two men appearing quite different in station and age, in conversation.

On this day after an historic election, may we continue to remember each other's humanity, and find the ability to work together in concern and care for one another, our children, and our children's children.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


Carson and Irene, together again at last. I've had 3 mothers-in-law, two of them were in my life for significant periods of time, and were great influences on me, although so very different in many ways. Both are now gone, and my heart hurts so for their sons at the loss.

But Irene, the last, was one of those moms that only seems to show up in the television shows of the 50s, or movies from a similar era. She and Carson met at a USO dance, Carson a fine young man, who happened to be from the same small town that I adopted while in HS.

They lived in that town for a while and eventually settled in another small town, and raised a family of 4 children, two boys and two girls, in a house full of love, laughter, good food, and learning, across the street from the school, making it hard to get 'lost' on one's way home from school.

Irene was many things, a fabulous pie baker, a woman of infinite wisdom, and good humor. For wedding presents, she would give the new daughter-in-law a loose leaf notebook with the famous pie recipes, but of course they could never be duplicated.

Every year on her son's birthday, she would call and leave a message on the answering machine, retelling the story of his birth, complete with laughter at the complications involved with getting a ride to the hospital.

She was from Texas, her father was a jockey, who later grew too big to ride races, but who never lost his love for horses.

When her beloved Carson was dying, he kept talking about seeing big blue butterflies, which of course worried me, ever the mental health professional. But the kind ICU doctor, a man of Jewish faith, explained to the family that these were transition objects, as he transitioned from this life to the next. It was such a gift to her and to the family to help them through the difficult time of the loss of Carson.

So butterflies became a symbol for Irene, that Carson was not gone. The family would give her gifts with butterflies, which she cherished, but then she cherished everything about her family.

In a way the butterflies were a perfect choice, as Carson was in the Army Air Corps when they met. In their later years they lived in a tiny apartment, where they read and laughed, and fed the squirrels that would come to their patio, and relished in the lives of their children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren, despite the occasional missteps of the kids.

At Carson's simple family service, the family sat in a circle and told stories of Carson. When everyone else was done, Irene stood up and recited, "How do I love thee, let me count the ways......"

I celebrate that they are together again, and mourn for the loss of her presence here.